About this coin

Face value: one penny.
Collector value: Well, I paid $16.

Let's start with this one, which has been on my To Do list for months.

The moment I clapped eyes on this big boy, I knew I had to buy it and put it on the mantle of a flat in the Southeast of England. I think it's homesick. The house was built sometime around 1797, and this penny was minted sometime around 1797 (they're all dated 1797, but they may not actually have been minted that year).

Put it on the mantlepiece, then, and it can be the Luck of the House. (Count your blessings — some families get screaming skulls or giant black spectral dogs. We just have to deal with ugly old George III).

History: bought from a dealer on eBay. Mailed to England on July 2, 2004.

Inscription:

GEORGIUS III D. G. REX

The D. G. stands for Dei Gratia, by the grace of God. Rex is a king. Or a small spotted dog.

About George III:

I realize my Americanness might color my judgment here, but George III was one gravely ugly human being. I mean, seriously, if you're Lord King Big Guy and your own royal engravers can't do better than to make you look alternately like a blubbery-lipped chinless idiot or a mutant bullfrog, you can't be a very attractive person in real life. You just can't.

Born in 1738, George was not a bright lad. It was said he couldn't read until he was 11 which, considering royal princes tend to have really excellent homework coaches, is not good. His father died without ascending the throne, so George succeeded his grandfather, George II, in 1760. He was 22.

The following year, he met his bride for the first time on their wedding day. They say he flinched. To be fair, George was in love with someone else at the time, but Sophia Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz was not a looker. It's a bit of a surprise, then, that he was entirely faithful to her, as far as anyone can tell. They had 16 children.

George III is best remembered for losing control of the American colonies and going crazy. They used to think the second thing was because of the first thing, but now they're pretty sure he had a medical problem called porphyria. He went nuts and his pee was purple, both of which are sometimes symptoms of porphyria. Boy, kings don't get any privacy at all.

He had little nutty episodes every ten years or so until he was 73, in 1811, at which time he went permanently crackers. His son George was appointed Regent, which means he made all the decisions and waited for his dad to die. That's why this time is called the Regency Period.

Poor old George lived another nine years, though, getting sicker and sicker. By the time he died in 1820, he was raving insane, completely blind and deaf and had to be tied to his bed so he wouldn't hurt anyone.

You know what? I feel sorry for the old toad.